Me and My Lump.

Hey, what’s up? Long time, no blog! Anywho, I had a story that I figured I would write down for future generations or whatnot. Some things to know. First off, I am lucky enough to work super close to my home. Second I leave said home pretty early in the morning. Also, I am an avid reader of graphic novels and a huge fan of the public library. Enough backstory, let’s dive in!

So I was riding my bike to work at 6 or so in the morning and I swung by the library to drop off a book. I left the library and was riding on the road trying to get on the sidewalk. This particular maneuver I have done many times and is very simple. However, my bike hits the curb, stops abruptly, twists and now the bike is on the ground with its handlebars are sticking up from the pavement like a pole. A pole that I (working along with gravity and velocity) try to impale myself upon.

The handlebar struck me in the sternum with tremendous force and to my surprise, all I said was “sheeeiiiiit” and not crying like a baby (what I wanted to do). I didn’t say it all that loud either.

I stumbled upright and felt the pain of my wrist and knee where they also hit the pavement. My chest felt like it was on fire and I seriously thought I had broken something. Even though it hurt to touch it, I kept feeling around because there was a circular indention that the handlebar had made.

I was 1 mile into a 3-mile journey. Knowing my wife would not hear or answer her phone at that unholy hour, I leaned on the bike and started to hobble to work. Even though I felt like I might pass out at any minute.

Working that day, and living through the weekend was agony, but subsided to only hurting when the area was touched. My mom (who is a nurse) convinced me that it is really hard to break a sternum and that x-rays would be hard to verify and there wouldn’t be much they could do anyway.

When I was a kid I slipped on some ice and hit my head. Some fluid gathered to the affected area and I had a horn of sorts which eventually went away.

This same phenomenon has taken place on my chest and when I run I have this fluid-filled sack on my chest that jiggles. It only sticks out about an inch and is probably two inches in diameter but it feels foreign and I could imagine that it is what having implants feels like.

I almost feel like that mutant hooker from Total Recall.


Recently someone asked me what is going on in my life and really I have a hard time answering that. In my opinion, things are going well, but to describe it sounds boring. We are paying off our mortgage and should be done (hopefully) next year. I am playing Metal Gear Solid V: Phantom Pain and it’s amazing. My friend Nathan even bought me the Collector’s Edition with a replica of Big Boss’s bionic hand! I have a family that I love to death and get to see every day. As far as jobs go, you couldn’t ask for a better one (unless you have a better imagination than me).

But nothing crazy or super cool is going on. I mean that I would have said is super cool. I think all that means I am in a transitioning phase of my life. Like a caterpillar probably thought it was cool to eat leaves and crawl around all day but the butterfly it turns into would think, “Are you crazy? I can FLY!”. But in the cocoon it might be thinking well I know great things are going to happen, and this is pretty cool but there is this stuff I used to do that I am really kind of done with anyway but it was cooler to talk about.

If that makes sense.

So far my blog has shown 3 boobs and I always hope to keep the count an odd number.

By Sam Watson

I'm pretty good at Microsoft Excel but a freak in Google Sheets.

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